Monday, October 16, 2006

Things U Don't Want 2 Do 2 Your Girlfriend...

I'm baaaack...

I know it's been awhile, so I decided 2 post some "erotic humor" 2nite.

Keep in mind, DON'T do these things w/ your girl!


1. The Teabagging - The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick’s forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, while you’re uttering the timeless phrase- "Who’s Your daddy?"

2. The Houdini - Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.

3. The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she’ll look like an angry dragon.

4. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl’s throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

5. Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez. (Ewww!!)

6. The Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

7. The Flaming Amazon - This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you’re screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

8. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

9. The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

10. The Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you`re ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

11. Rodeo Sex - While pounding your girlfriend doggy style, grab both breasts and say, "These feel almost as nice as your sister's." OR Mount your partner Doggy or Missionary (pussy or anus) and once you're all the way in and going at it, grab on tightly and tell 'em they're the ugliest fuck you've ever had.

What a list!


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